Almost every runner has witnessed one of nature’s greatest mysteries. What I am speaking of is when a person, once a perfectly normal runner, starts wearing strange clothes (such as bicycle pants), buying odd things (like really expensive bikes), and speaking strangely (“I’m going to do a brick”). What has happened, of course, is that the person has metamorphosed from a sane runner to a “tri person.”

Of course many people exhibit “tri-like” behavior without actually making a full transition. You can use the following guide to distinguish between a mere “poser” and a full-fledged “tri.” If a person exhibits all of the following, then they almost certainly have “gone tri.”

1. Person can say things like “I’m going to do a brick” with a straight face.

2. Person knows which companies manufactured every single part of his/her bike.

3. Person uses the excuse “I biked to this race” if he/she runs slower than usual.

4. Person owns neon clothing.

5. Person wears neon clothing and is not embarrassed.

6. Person sometimes has faded magic marker numbers on his/her skin.

7. Person owns sunglasses that cost as much as a good pair of running shoes.

8. Person talks about how tough triathlons are compared to “mere” running.

Years ago people who went tri were often regarded as “unnatural” by some running purists. However, in these enlightened times, those who have gone “tri” are accepted members of the athletic community. However, the tri people can sometimes feel uncomfortable around normal runners. Because of this, it is important for normal runners to make them feel more comfortable. This can be accomplished by doing some or all of the following.

1. Use their lingo. For example, greet a “tri person” with the phrase “So, done any good bricks lately?” Try to avoid sounding like you are mocking him/her.

2. Pretend to be very interested in every part of the person’s bike. For example: “Yes, I think that the Shimano brakes are the way to go. Good thing you got them.” Try to avoid any hint of sarcasm.

3. Respect their excuses. For example: “Yup, biking to this race probably cost you at least thirty seconds.” Do not suggest that they should have just driven (or run) to the race like a normal runner.

4. Do not taunt them for their choice of clothing. For example, do not say “What the hell are you wearing?”

5. When they tell you that triathlons are much harder than running pretend like you have not heard that before. For example: “Wow, I never realized that biking, swimming and running long distances would be more tiring than just running a long distance.”

6. Don’t ask them what “doing a brick” really means. They don’t seem to know and this causes them great embarrassment.

7. For God’s sake do not suggest that the person “went tri” because his/her running times had become worse. For example, do not say anything like this: “Yeah, I figured you’d go tri, what with all those slower race times.”

8. Don’t touch their sun glasses.

If we all work together, the “tri people” and we normal runners can get along in harmony. However, don’t even think about asking me to “do a brick.”